A Song at Dawn

This morning I awoke at my usual pre-dawn hours with a headache. I never want to start the day on a negative and I knew waking with a headache would soon lead into thinking about why I woke with a headache and worrying about why I was worrying. And that would feed on itself and would fester into, "well if I am worrying, there must be a reason for worrying though I can't identify the reason" and that would lead to me worrying about why I couldn't figure out what I was worrying about. You get the picture and see how those of us who have a mind that doesn't always function as healthily get ourselves into a bind that spirals deeper and deeper into negative thinking the more we linger in negativity.

So I got out of bed, walked over to my kneeler and prayed and then left my room to make a light breakfast. As I was making breakfast a song broke through and I started to sing. One song became another song and next thing I know I was making up my own song of praise and thanksgiving to God.

I took my bagel and tea over to the sofa, opened the drawer of the coffee table, took out my old hymnal and flipped its pages randomly. So begun a breakfast of songs of praise and thanksgiving, bagel and tea. The headache gradually became a barely noticeable ache. I sang to my heart's content, choosing songs at random, some from childhood like "The Lord of the Dance," and the old spiritual "Kumbaya my Lord" and others more traditional and theological like, "Holy God we Praise Thy Name." Somehow I wasn't choosing the songs; it seems like my soul was leading my thoughts away from the negativity and worry about the headache.

What this simple act of choosing to sing at dawn showed me is that by the end of my activity I still hadn’t a clue of why I woke with the headache. I hadn’t solved anything, if there was even anything to be solved. Perhaps my headache was simply that—a headache; not a worry about…to be solved. By choosing to live through the moment by engaging in a life-enhancing activity, the worry dissipated.

I wanted to share this today with you, hoping that if you too are experiencing a worry that has no known basis that you too find a "song" to draw you away from the worry. Your "song" maybe a walk in the park or by the water, sitting in quiet meditation, helping a person in need or journaling. Your "song" is anything that stirs the heart, returns peace of mind and refreshes your thinking to that of being positive. We who live with or have a history of mental illness seem to have brains wired toward negativity, but our hearts I am convinced aren't; we desire and long for peace, serenity and calm in our lives, we more so I believe than those who haven't had the experience of living with a mental illness. I believe this to be so because it is only having sailed through the fierce storms of mental illness that we more so also fully appreciate the serenity of calming and gentle movements of the mind.

May you find your song this day to still the worries that threaten your peace of mind.