Hope

Today I write in honor of the life of 13 year old Danny Fitzpatrick of State Island who committed suicide because it is reported that he was bullied at school. It is also reported that Danny left a note in which he wrote, “I gave up...”

I was drawn to the photo of Danny in the public domain. He is wearing a big happy smile. And I wondered as I looked at his beautiful full smile why did he give up.

That question does NOT in any way blame Danny or dare to make any judgment of him or his family. It ill behooves me to do so not knowing the circumstances of this sad story. Rather the question moved me to ask a deeper question, “Why does anyone give up and take his/her life?”

I will not simplify such a complex question that calls for research and studies by many learned persons. I will just touch on my thoughts on hope.

I think it is reasonable to say that no one gives up who has hope. Hope is what keeps us going. Hope that whatever we are going through; that whatever we are suffering; that whatever we are enduring; and that whatever the circumstances and parties involved they will not only change but change for the better. As long as we can find reason to hope we somehow can endure, persevere through the hopelessness, the darkness because we know we are moving towards the light out of the darkness.

And we can’t begin to talk about hope without the small word that follows it—IN. We hope IN someone or something. And it is that hope "IN" that sustains us; keeps us going and moving along and when we must sit and rest for a while, it is that hope IN that brings us to our feet again to travel on.

I like to think of hope as a “buried smile.” We don’t seem able to smile when we are hopeless. Makes sense, right? What would there be to smile about if one is hopeless. Yet it is “the waiting-to-be-unearthed-smile” in which hope subsists.

But hope IN something and someone also needs a “vision” or “imagination.” We who have lived with depression in that dark place especially if it has been the type that has gone on for years or have faced repeated relapses know that it is important to hold on to a vision of a life without suffering from depression. It is a vision that requires “nurturing” because one is beholding what has not materialize yet. It is the ability to construct a reality based on hope that is not yet reality. It is this ability or capacity to “nurture” what doesn’t exist that begins to unearth that buried smile. It is this nurturing of what doesn’t exist in our hearts, minds and souls that becomes the impetus to make the first steps forward.

   

As I said above, I will not simplify a complex phenomenon such as hope. And though, it is not the subject of this post, the role of medication to address and stabilize untreated mental illness play a significant role for many of us. I chose that path for a number of years before making the decision in consultation with my doctor to discontinue.

In another post, I would like to continue this piece on hope because from my perspective just as I can’t think of hope without thinking of hope “in,” likewise “hope in,” vision and imagination and unearthed smiles require human connections and need places/contexts to “be housed.” For those who can’t find reason for hope, perhaps we who see what they can’t see, who behold the vision of their future that they yet can’t behold can become the Keepers of Hope. I became that for a person years ago. Of course this requires a deep intimate and trusted relationship between the persons. If we can become Keepers of Hope, the paradox is, without recognizing it, the hopeless person by giving unforced consent has open up to hope by agreeing to let the Keeper of Hope be the vessel of hope until that person can step-by-step gradually reclaim hope fully.