Wellness is a Journey....not a destination

I was visiting recently with my friend Norm, who is dying. It is incredible how much wisdom those who are dying well will impart. Yes, I meant to say, “dying well.” People die differently and some do it angrily and resist it in bitterness and full of regret right to the end. I have seen it, it is one of the saddest things to witness. Still, one may argue that even those who are not dying well inadvertently impart a different kind of wisdom as well. But that is not what I want to talk about.

Norm is 89 years of age and is in hospice care. He is also a person living with a diagnosed mental illness and on some days, his illness manifests itself in behaviors that are distressful for both Norm and those caring for and visiting with him. He is a living testimony of the reality that we who have lived with or are presently living with a mental illness may want to adopt a view that we are always on the path toward wellness. It is a journey right up to death. Norm lacks mobility; he has no use of his feet and has to be lifted to be placed in his wheelchair if he is to move around. He seldom leaves the bed because of his fear that if he does something bad will happen to him.  He spends every day in his bed and as he likes to put it, “I live here, I do everything here, I sleep, eat and go to the bathroom here; I don’t go anywhere.” Recently he told me he wanted at least 1 more year if not longer and that he is praying to God to answer his prayer.

I told Norm that I hope that his prayers are answered and that I will also pray for him. Given his lack of mobility and the frustration in which he said “I live here…,” I wondered how Norm would spend the time he was asking for. 

It goes without saying that such a prayer for time suggests that Norm still has plans for his life unrelated to his lack of mobility. So I asked him about what plans he had. He had no concrete plan of action. His plan was less to do with doing and everything to do with being.

He explained, “I can’t go anywhere from here, I want that time to take care of some unfinished business, if you know what I mean” and when he said that he raised his hand that was resting on his chest and touched his head first and then his heart. I replied, “Yes, Norm I understand what you mean.” He didn’t elaborate and I chose to honor his privacy by not questioning him about the specifics of his plan. Over the years, he had shared sufficient enough with me about his struggles with mental illness and his estranged relationships with family and friends as a result of his illness.

Norm got me to thinking how we are to be about seeking a life of wellness every day. And in musing on this, I too started to look at how well I have been doing about seeking after wellness. I saw that physically I can do better, commit to regularly exercising and make healthier choices in my eating though I try to make healthy choices presently. 

Looking at my spiritual life, I think that is where I have seen great strides with still a long way to go. My faith in God grounds me. I see how a life of spirituality has played an important role in the last 10 years of living without depression. A deep pray life, being a member of a faith community with other believers and daily quiet reflection and Scripture or some form of spiritual reading have become the foundation on which I have sustained my mental wellness without relapsing into depression.

Your journey may be different than mine or Norm's but what we share is that we are all moving toward a wellness that sustains or returns us to a life of balance and living a life filled with hope, dignity and meaning. And like Norm who grasps that he “isn’t going anywhere” physically, yet understands that his physical mobility is only a part of who he is as a person, so too may we grasp that being diagnosed and living with a mental illness is not the sum of who we are. Our journey toward wellness is one that involves body, heart, mind and soul, all interconnected but not always needing to move at the same pace simultaneously so long as they are each moving in the same direction toward wellness and healing.