I was visiting recently
with my friend Norm, who is dying. It is incredible how much wisdom those who
are dying well will impart. Yes, I meant to say, “dying well.” People die
differently and some do it angrily and resist it in bitterness and full of
regret right to the end. I have seen it, it is one of the saddest things to
witness. Still, one may argue that even those who are not dying well
inadvertently impart a different kind of wisdom as well. But that is not what I
want to talk about.
Norm is 89 years of age
and is in hospice care. He is also a person living with a diagnosed mental
illness and on some days, his illness manifests itself in behaviors that are
distressful for both Norm and those caring for and visiting with him. He is a
living testimony of the reality that we who have lived with or are presently
living with a mental illness may want to adopt a view that we are always on the
path toward wellness. It is a journey right up to death. Norm lacks mobility;
he has no use of his feet and has to be lifted to be placed in his wheelchair
if he is to move around. He seldom leaves the bed because of his fear that if
he does something bad will happen to him. He spends every day in his bed
and as he likes to put it, “I live here, I do everything here, I sleep, eat and
go to the bathroom here; I don’t go anywhere.” Recently he told me he wanted at
least 1 more year if not longer and that he is praying to God to answer his
prayer.
I told Norm that I hope
that his prayers are answered and that I will also pray for him. Given his lack
of mobility and the frustration in which he said “I live here…,” I wondered how
Norm would spend the time he was asking for.
It goes without saying
that such a prayer for time suggests that Norm still has plans for his life
unrelated to his lack of mobility. So I asked him about what plans he had. He
had no concrete plan of action. His plan was less to do with doing and
everything to do with being.
He explained, “I can’t
go anywhere from here, I want that time to take care of some unfinished
business, if you know what I mean” and when he said that he raised his hand
that was resting on his chest and touched his head first and then his heart. I
replied, “Yes, Norm I understand what you mean.” He didn’t elaborate and I
chose to honor his privacy by not questioning him about the specifics of his
plan. Over the years, he had shared sufficient enough with me about his
struggles with mental illness and his estranged relationships with family and friends as a
result of his illness.
Norm got me to thinking
how we are to be about seeking a life of wellness every day. And in musing on
this, I too started to look at how well I have been doing about seeking after
wellness. I saw that physically I can do better, commit to regularly exercising
and make healthier choices in my eating though I try to make healthy choices
presently.
Looking at my spiritual
life, I think that is where I have seen great strides with still a long way to
go. My faith in God grounds me. I see how a life of spirituality has played an
important role in the last 10 years of living without depression. A deep pray life, being a member of a faith community with other believers and daily quiet reflection and
Scripture or some form of spiritual reading have become the foundation on which I have sustained my mental wellness without relapsing into depression.
Your journey may be
different than mine or Norm's but what we share is that we are all moving
toward a wellness that sustains or returns us to a life of balance and living a
life filled with hope, dignity and meaning. And like Norm who grasps that he
“isn’t going anywhere” physically, yet understands that his physical mobility
is only a part of who he is as a person, so too may we grasp that being
diagnosed and living with a mental illness is not the sum of who we are. Our
journey toward wellness is one that involves body, heart, mind and soul, all
interconnected but not always needing to move at the same pace simultaneously so
long as they are each moving in the same direction toward wellness and healing.
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